Striving alone and no-one else!
Whenever I noticed how lonely I was, I used to feel like crying, convulsing, and cradling myself back and forth. Such is not the case anymore. Recently I found myself rendered to tears. But like grabbing hold of a banister, right before falling down a flight of stairs, I caught myself, forcefully shifting gears from hopeless despondence to psychoanalysis. I realized that I was crying about past issues, past emotions, and basically situations that I shouldn't be concerning myself with in the present. I am also a traveler. But I never go places, because I travel through my wide imagination and creative mind. Whenever I know, and meet people, it’s a great fulfillment I’m learning a lot about them. I also discover things that are known to few, that’s why I think, being a good reader is like possessing the unsurpassed and inimitable power.
My name is JhOeMAR, a product of life's frustrating ordeals yet fulfilling ones. I'm a fighter at instinct. Nothing is extraordinary with me except my heart. I am emotionally disturbed. I don't know why, and don't ask me. I am a former blogger, revived due to my undeniable passion for writing but I’m not that inclined with reading. I had loved, been in love, and living to be loved. I have great interest in watching indie films, documentaries and movies that I can relate with. I’m dreaming of having my writings and compositions on film. I also do believe in karma. I’m a happy-go-lucky person, just give me some chocolates, chiffon cakes, barbeque and ice cream, then I’m ok. I dislike people who are so passive, feelers (mafeeling), selfish and self-centered. I wanted to be a legend, perhaps in my own special and unusual way. Or if not, be remembered how my life is dealt in every sense I can. I have an intense desire and belief that few years from now, I can have my own book. I do hope that you are one of the people who will become my avid followers.
Knowing me better, I was born on March 21, 1995. I have my beautiful sister and a brother. I am the youngest among the three children. I think it is one of the most challenging roles that I have to attend in life. Challenging, in a sense that I have to obey whatever my older brother and sister wants me to do. It’s like being a nanny of them. I don’t have a close relationship with my parents. I always feel that they’re away, though they’re not. Ever since I was born, I never had the chance to tell them what my problems are, what are the things I want to have, what my ambitions are, what are my desires and the fears that I have inside. Envy is what I feel every time I see a family who’s having happy moments.
During my elementary days, I’m an unswerving honor student. Every time that I tell them that I am one of the honor students, it seems like they don’t care. I tried to do my best to prove to them that I can be a child whom they can be proud of. Nevertheless, through my efforts and destitutions, I’m not appreciated. That’s why during my high school days, I’m just a typical high school student. I never aimed to be on the top ten, what matters most is that I’ll finish this degree of schooling because I always think that my labors won’t be appreciated. So, why should I study well if it would be just for nothing. But despite that discernment, I’m still on the ranking students. I graduated with flying colors. As usual, for my parents, it’s just nothing. Even though it hurts a lot, I have to accept it because it’s my principle that acceptance is the first step to have a magnificent life.
I feel like I don’t belong to my family, I’m always rejected, neglected and unwelcomed. This is why I always make friends to every place I go. It’s because they’re the ones whom I mull over as my family. It makes me feel that I am loved, cared and protected. My personality at home is very poles apart from my personality outside our residence. I always smile and laugh with my friends. I never want to have any dull moment with them. It feels like they are my life-long companions. I often depict myself as the best friend that they could ever have, but also the greatest enemy that they will never wish to have.
Now, that I’m already a college student, I changed the way on how I look at studies. I realized that I must take this chapter of my life seriously. My English teacher once told me that if my parents’ does not appreciate me the way I wanted to be appreciated, just study seriously for my future. It’s not about them, but it’s already about me. She also told me to strive so that I will be able to reach and achieve my dreams and goals in life.
With the help of my friends, and of my sister, I will try my very best to grasp the future that I want to mold. My ambition is that, I want to become one of the most sought after and highest paid Newscaster in the whole wide universe. Abraham Maslow once said in his humanistic approach of psychology states: “each individual has great freedom in directing his or her future, a large capacity for achieving personal growth, a considerable amount of intrinsic worth, and enormous potential for self-fulfillment.” So I must have the best out of myself and out of everything, for me to realize my dreams and vision for the future. I will never let anyone or anything to bring me down. Coz I know that the only shield that I could have I to have a concrete and undying FAITH IN GOD.
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